We can’t control what happens—what people say or do, how the traffic moves, if the weather changes. But we always control what we do with it. We are in charge of our reactions to it.
This perspective takes us out of powerlessness and into powerfulness. Rather than being at the effect of someone’s actions, you know that it’s up to you to decide how you think, feel, and act in response to them.
There’s even a more powerful way of looking at this—which is to ask yourself what the opportunity is in anything that happens to you. Regardless of how undesirable, hurtful or challenging the circumstances may be, what is the expansion opportunity for you?
This is not an easy perspective to uphold. The old has to die before the new can take hold—and this is a challenging process.
To settle into new thinking patterns, build new habits, and rewire your neural networks, you need to let go of the old ones. And to you do that when you can be with the uncertainty and discomfort of the new patterns. This can feel like a war because, due to the fact that being in unfamiliar situations is one of the most metabolically intensive activities for the nervous system, our brains optimise for reducing uncertainty.
In other words, to overcome the old thinking and acting patterns, you need to make space and allow for the discomfort caused by doing things in a new way, but your brain will fight you on this, and push to get back to its established ways of working.
Life calls us to the potential and power we hold. It is not an easy call to answer. But it’s the only perspective that empowers you, because it’s doesn’t make you into a victim. And, ultimately, it’s up to you to decide how you respond to it.