Depth. Meaning. Fulfilment.
Sometimes they are there. Sometimes they aren’t.
Everything else is the same. Yet, two completely different experiences. What’s missing?
I was speaking to a friend. Last time we spoke, we had such a great conversation. We were bouncing thoughts and ideas off one another, there was a sense of connection, creativity, alignment. Something that was greater than the sum of us was happening.
Yet this time around it was different. The connection was there, but it wasn’t as deep. The ideas were there, but they didn’t ignite me as much. What was missing?
I searched for the answer, thinking about other similar experiences. The same activity, the same energy levels, the same circumstances, yet two completely different experiences. I’ve had runs that felt magical and runs that felt flat. Writing sessions that were so enriching and others that left a sense of emptiness. Walks, talks, trips that were deep, profound, transcendent, and others that didn’t leave a mark.
What was different? What was missing? I pondered that for days. For weeks. And then it hit me. I. I was missing. My depth of presence and engagement with the activity was missing.
The degree of fulfilment I experienced was related to the degree of presence and connection with the activity. The more aware, engaged and present with whatever I was doing was, the more it lit me up. The more it energised me. The more fulfilled I felt. Conversely, whenever I felt drained, or frustrated, or just empty from the same activity—it was because I wasn’t fully engaged with it.
Something was happening, but I wasn’t there.
Sometimes we live like this for days, months, years even. There’s living, but who’s living it. Something’s happening, we are making it happen, but we aren’t there for it to happen to.
When life feels empty, it’s either because a) we’re dissociating from our experiences, or b) whatever we’re doing is not fully aligned with us, it’s not truly ours, so the experience doesn’t touch us, doesn’t leave a mark on us.
Depth, meaning and fulfilment in life come from the degree of our connection and intimacy with our experience. The more something resonates with us, the more authentic it is for us, the deeper sense of purpose we feel.
Does your life feel fulfilling and meaningful on the whole? Is there a sense of emptiness? Are you going through the motions, or do you feel fully alive? Is there flipflopping between the two? Drop me a line and let me know how you feel.