On one of these mornings when I was consumed with self-doubt, self-blame and shame, I wrote some notes to myself on how to be with this. On how not to give up on projects when I most want to give up; how not to question myself, when I am full of self-doubt.
To achieve happiness, avoid pain. To avoid pain, be with pain.
To complete your project, deal with self-judgement, fear of failure, inadequacy when they arise.
To have happy relationships with others, build a happy relationship with yourself. Our relationships with people are an extension of the relationship we have with ourselves.
To build a happy relationship with yourself, remove everything that’s standing on the way: self-hatred, judgement, limiting narratives, abusive attitudes and behaviours towards yourself. Accept that what you find most unacceptable. Learn to be with it and to appreciate it.
To overcome self-doubt and self-judgement, learn to be with them. When they arise, don’t avoid them, integrate them. Don’t judge yourself for experiencing self-doubt and self-judgement, be someone whose inner peace is so expansive it includes them.
To stop making unhealthy decisions, asks yourself why the pain.
To be someone who doesn’t experience self-judgement, learn to be someone who can experience self-judgement.
To accomplish your goals, show up on the bad days. In the long-run the success of anything is in the bad days.
To overcome resistance, don’t push it away.
Don’t try to be someone who doesn’t experience waves of inner criticism—choose to be that person.
The success of anything—achieving inner peace, completing the project, finishing the marathon—is not in the perfect plan, the best system, or the perfect practice. It’s in the small everyday things. In those actions that are so subtle, we often do or don’t do them without realising. It’s in giving yourself kindness when you most feel you don’t deserve it. It’s in letting your doubts about your skills and abilities have their voice without collapsing yourself with them. It’s in being with discomfort when you most need its absence.
And then, continue.