When we are not seen, heard, and held as children, we learn to not see, hear and hold ourselves. We learn to ignore ourselves. We get the message that there’s something undeserving about us. This subconscious belief sneaks in and becomes a foundation upon which we build our lives. It gives rise to the partners and careers we choose, the opportunities we pursue, the level of energy we have for life.
As children, we internalise our experiences instinctively. We don’t question our caregiver’s words and behaviours—their inability to hold space for us means that we are undeserving of it. But as adults, we have choice. We can look into the limiting narratives that are the building blocks of our lives, deconstruct them, and see ourselves for who we really are.
Being seen, heard and held is the prerogative not just of children, but of each human being. I grew up ignored, and I learned to ignore myself. It’s taken me many years to begin to learn to see, heard and hold myself. I know the pain and fragmentation people experience when they live in this container. And I know that as much as we believe we want others to see, hear and hold us, what we really need is to see, hear and hold ourselves.