When we want other people to change, when we hold them responsible for what’s happening in our life, when we wait on them to take the lead or make a decision, we are surrendering our power. And when we surrender our power, we become victim to other people and circumstances.
Victim mentality is slippery and insidious. It creeps on us in all shapes and forms, because the opposite of it—being 100% responsible for our life—is difficult. Being fully responsible requires hard work, and it requires it from us, not from others. It requires self-examination and brutal honesty with ourselves. It requires that we take decisions and bear the brunt of their weight, that we ask difficult questions and hear difficult answers. We resist being fully responsible because at times it entails suffering. But unless we step into full responsibility, we are short-changing ourselves of our power and potential, and we are at the effect of life and other people.
Our ego, seeking the comfort of victimhood, has its way of tricking us into it even when we’ve committed to being fully responsible. The lines between surrendering to life and trusting life and playing a victim of circumstance are blurry.
One of the most insidious form of victimhood is being a victim of our own self-perception. I’m not good enough. I’m not powerful enough. I’m a loser. I’m not lovable. Others are more deserving than I am. Whenever we come at ourselves from insecurity, inadequacy and scarcity, it’s the voice of the victim.