Having grown up in a country that has spent the last six centuries battling life and then itself, I was raised to believe that you fight to get to where you want to be in life. And there was pride and virtue attached to it—we’d learn about the national heroes, the great fighters of their time, that led revolutions, overthrew authoritative regimes, liberated tens of thousands of people.
Fight is, perhaps, not without its place or time. But it is also very much of a place and time—in the sense that it’s always reactionary. When we fight, we are reacting to life, to circumstance, to tyranny, generally to something we don’t want.
And while we can honour this and understand that we’re always reacting in the best way we can react, we can also consider that contrary to how it may appear, we aren’t in control when we fight, but we’re being controlled; and we’re being controlled by what we want to avoid, rather than by what we want to attract.
I used to pride myself on my strength and my fighter spirit. Now I see both as a liability. Fighting says I need to survive. Strength says life is difficult. I can’t thrive if I’m in survival mode, and I can’t enjoy life if life is difficult.
Now, I try to live life from a place of love, profound acceptance, and softness. All of which were very counterintuitive to me and my sense of safety. Initially, stepping into this way of living felt as if I was looking at a train that was headed toward me at full speed, and I was sitting on the train track and trying to whistle.
The virtue we associate with strength and fighting is that they give us access to creation and shaping life. But, perhaps we can consider that where we find our most powerful creative expression is not in force, but in the absence of it. Our true power lies in sensitivity and surrender. Not in speaking, but in listening; not in strength, but in vulnerability; not in aggression, relentless pursuit, hustling—but in their absence.
This is not to be mistaken with resignation or sinking our ship—quite on the contrary. It’s to step into being as potent a force of power, abundance and freedom as we’ll ever be. And we embody these qualities when we recognise that they’re available not when we fight life, but when we choose life.
We start to transcend the circumstances we’re struggling with when we find acceptance for them. When instead of resisting them, we choose them, love them—and consider that while life expresses itself in ways we don’t understand and can’t understand, we can feel gratitude for the opportunity to be part of it.