When we have an expectation of how something should be, we are not allowing it to be as it is. And the limitation in this is that we prevent ourselves from experiencing something greater than what we’ve experienced already.
For myself, I’ve seen this at play in all areas of my life, including my work, exercising, meditation. If I had a very productive day, I’d expect to be in the same mindset the next day in order to generate the same results. And if something was different, I’d try to align it, or even force it, into being how it was. Similarly, I often have insights and ideas while running. And if on a particular day, my mind was a little duller, slower, broader or whatever, just different than how it’d been yesterday, I’d try to attune it to how it should be.
This has always never worked.
A few days ago, I had a very deep and transformative experience while meditating. I accessed a profound state of inner-connectedness, trust and confidence—which stayed with me throughout the day and had a great impact on my work and wellbeing. The following day, I of course wanted to have the same experience. I did what I’d done the day before, but things were just not happening. I tried over and over to replicate how I’d done things the day before, but it just wasn’t working. I was tired because I hadn’t slept well, and I blamed it on that.
But then it occurred to me that the obstacle wasn’t the tiredness, but the trying. In trying to repeat a former experience, I wasn’t being present to what was happening right now. When I saw this and allowed things to be just as they were, I dropped into a presence and connection, which resulted in another very deep and impactful experience.
I have often found this to be the case in life. When we let go of how things should be, how we should be feeling, thinking, being, new possibilities unfold. And often, these new possibilities are better than what we already know.
Our expectations of what could happen and how it happens are informed by our past. Invariably, when we’ve experienced something that has worked or hasn’t worked, we try to either repeat it or avoid it. But in doing so, we close off to life surprising us with greater experiences and possibilities.
Another interesting phenomena that I have observed for myself is that often after I reach a new high, in whatever aspect or area of life, the following day is very different. From the very outset, the conditions for great performance would be missing in some substantial way, for one reason or another. For me, this is life teaching that experiencing highs is not dependent on the right conditions, but on being present with what is.