In the language we use, we often collapse the things we do and experience with who we are.
Our jobs, our feelings, our state of affairs become more than what they really are—one part of our life, a temporary state—to take on the form of our identity.
We say things like:
I am a designer.
I am depressed.
I am broke.
The power of language
Studies from the fields of neuroscience, psychology and linguistics demonstrate the power of language in shaping our perceptions, emotions and ultimately physical and mental well-being.
Our thoughts have both a placebo and a nocebo effect—a creative and a destructive force. In one experiment by neuroscientist Fabrizio Benedetti, on the impact of our negative expectations, participants who were informed about a potential side effect of a drug reported higher rates of side effects, even though they were given a placebo on the first place.
The placebo effect of medication have also been well-documented. In one study, participants were given a painkiller either with or without their knowledge. The results demonstrated that those who knew they were taking a painkiller experienced more pain relief compared to those who didn’t know they’d taken a painkiller.
Imaging studies on the brain show that the placebo effect creates neurological changes in activity in areas associated with pain modulation.
Clinging language
This is clinging language—language that doesn’t merely describe, but also clings onto the state. And there are two issues with using clinging-language:
We collapse ourselves with unpleasant feelings or states. This exacerbates the impact they have on us and leaves an impression that they’re permanent. There is a heaviness to saying I am depressed. It suggests that this is who I am—it is my identity, here to stay. So not only am I dealing with the feelings of depression, but now also with having to think of myself as of someone who is depressed, who has this new undesirable identity.
The other issue with clinging language is that we ground our identity in our activities—but what happens when we stop doing what we’re doing? What happens when the marketing manager loses their job? Professional athletes who often retire early in life often feel unmoored when they do, because their career has been the focal point of their identity.
Make space for fluidity
Our actions and feelings are impermanent. Our actions are an extension of who we are—not the whole of who we are. Our feelings are something we’re experiencing right now—not our identity. Using language that is fluid and descriptive rather than clinging has the following benefits:
- We create distance between who we are and our feelings, actions or state of affairs. And we see them for what they are—transient. This is especially helpful for when we’re dealing with something difficult.
- We recognise that our identity is not dependent on the activities we do, and we are less likely to lose our sense of being when we stop doing an activity we’ve been doing.
- We leave space for possibility. We don’t restrict ourselves by labelling ourselves one way or another.
How does this look in practical terms?
I write instead of I’m a writer.
I’m experiencing anxiety instead of I’m anxious.
I have financial difficulties instead of I’m broke.
Being deliberate with the language we use to describe our feelings, actions, work can help us mitigate the impact challenging feelings have on us, navigate transitions in life with less heaviness, and make space for opportunity and possibility. Clinging language restricts us. Fluid language frees us.