I create my belief in my philosophy every day. Every moment. I create who I be, how I feel, how I think in the face of my fears, my self-doubt, my harsh inner critic, despondency and cynicism. I used to fight these forces. I no longer do, for that only gives them more power. Now I welcome them as they emerge, I allow them and hear them out. And I remind myself that I create what I do with them. I create whether I buy into them or whether I buy into their polarity.
These forces, all that confines, is a manifestation of fear. For me, the opposite of fear is love. We are in either one of these two energies at any point in life. I create that choice. I create to come from love, abundance and creation, rather than fear, scarcity and reaction.
There’s a version of me and my life that my conditioning is trying to saddle me with. Conditioning that’s the result of my parents’, their parents’, society’s unexamined lives, beliefs and collective unconscious. I don’t want to receive who I am and what my life is. I want to create it. I do that not because it is easy, but because it’s difficult.
When I separated from my partner of eleven years, I separated from my partner, my best friend, my dog and home. We’d been travelling for nine years. I didn’t know where home was. I didn’t know where my people were. I’d lost touch with most of them over the years. Bombs were detonated in the aftermath of the separation. The ground underneath my feet gave in.
I am not a victim of life. I have moments when I feel sorry for myself. I make space for them, they’re an expression of my humanity. I’m feeling my feelings and grieving my grief.
And then I create who I be. With all the self-love and self-care I can muster, I choose where I come from, who I be.
Love is and I am that.