Selling is often seen as the act of forcing something undesirable onto someone who’s not desiring it. No wonder so many of us have so much resistance to it. (And if that’s your perspective and you hate selling, this actually proves that you’re not guilty of the crime.)
Selling is an essential skills in life. Fundamental, in fact. Whether you’re a business leader, employee, or an individual, selling in managerial or entrepreneurial capacity, we are always making deals and negotiating life. And one way of increasing the chance of not getting what you want is by not asking for it and hating asking for it.
Three things create resistance to selling: a) your thoughts about selling, b) your thoughts about what you’re selling, and c) your thoughts about yourself.
So, if something is essential and we need to do it, how do we overcome the resistance to it?
Reframe how you think about selling to turn it into something appealing
To do something well we need to enjoy it. To enjoy it, we need to believe in the value and benefit it provides. If you have something of value to offer, you’re not selling. You’re not trying to trick someone into something. You’re offering solutions to problems.
It’s not about you (she said!) < No, really it isn’t!
The “no” doesn’t mean that you are being rejected. It doesn’t mean that you’re not good enough, it doesn’t mean that your solution sucks. It means it’s not the right fit. We are often resistant to selling because of fear of rejection. But rejection is not the real problem—the more painful problem is that we make it mean something about us. We attach some sense of shame, embarrassment, failure to it—because we make it mean something about us. It doesn’t.
You’re serving your client, boss, company—not yourself
This is not about you. Don’t make it about you. You’re offering something to someone in order to help them. Yes, helping them helps you, too—but the focus is on them. You’re there to serve them. To understand their needs, to understand their world, and to see how you can provide value.
Don’t be attached to the outcome
What you’re trying to do is see if there’s something you could do to help someone. The outcome of your time together will either confirm this or not. You don’t want a positive outcome if the reality is that there’s nothing you could do to help them. If you’re not the right fit for the role, you don’t want it. If your solution is not what the client’s looking for, you can’t help them. If you are attached to the outcome, you’re making it about you not about them. Focus your attention on finding out what they need and if that’s something you could help with.
How could this be fun even if they say “no” at the end?
Imagine they’d say “no” eventually. How could you make your time together be valuable and fun, for both them and you nevertheless?
What’s the worst that could happen?
Make a list of all of your worst-case scenarios. Let your imagination go wild. They’ll laugh at your face? They’ll tell you that you are a joke? They’ll look at you as if you’ve just undressed? They’ll shout at you? What else? Write down your worst fears about what could happen.
And when you do, ask yourself—and so what? Would that be actually be as bad as I’m imagining it? What am I make it mean about myself if I’m afraid of it?
How do we turn something unappealing into something appealing? How do we make something we resist into something we enjoy?
By finding new ways of thinking about it. By changing the perspective we’re looking through.
What’s one thing in your life that’s absolutely essential, but you have resistance to doing? What new perspectives would you like to look through?
I’d love to hear from you if these questions are on your mind.
Find out about working with me at pavlina.me/coaching