There is a lot of stigma around asking for what we need. You may think that if you deserved it, you wouldn’t have to ask for it. You may believe that you’re being entitled, arrogant, or too demanding. You may tell yourself that whatever the situation you’re not satisfied with is, it could have been worse.
It’s easy to choose to settle for less. It’s often the option that involves less friction and dissonance. But you don’t have to. And certainly, you don’t need to berate yourself or feel guilty for looking after your needs and protecting your interests.
For a long time, I used to believe that it’s humiliating to ask for what I needed. I’d been told that I was being too greedy. And I was also brought up with that idea as a child and a sense that if someone matters, if they’re important enough, they’d receive what they need without asking.
With that mindset, the very act of asking for something was an admission that I wasn’t good enough to get it. And hence, if I had to ask, I’d ask in a half-baked way, because there was a sense of indignity in asking. And not only this but packed in the asking would be resentment for having to ask, or worse, for being forced to ask. This is a type of self-defeating behaviour that turns us into victims of our own ideas about ourselves.
The irony is that only someone who doesn’t feel they are important enough would contemplate how important people should act. And it’s usually people who don’t have the confidence to look after their needs that would shame themselves or others into thinking that they’re being too greedy, arrogant, or bold when they protect their interests.
Any resistance you may feel to looking after yourself is most likely rooted in self-doubt stemming from limiting subconscious narratives.
But when you’re aware of and secure in your worth, you serve yourself in the best way possible. And this entails not having any perceptual barriers to doing what’s best for you, to asking for your needs to be met, or for trying to get what you truly want.